Dusky Dawn
by Butterfly81
Summary: The third part of the Al'infini series. Rest of the story will be posted here from now. Years have gone by since that moment in Santana's bedroom. What is left is a stranded Rachel in the city of New York, wandering by herself and still fighting a war her feelings wont surrender from. Brittany, Quinn, Santana will make appearance.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Part three of the Al'infini series. The remaining of the story will be posted here so if you're interested in this story, please subscribe. Goodnight or good day for you...but def goodnight for me.**

**Update: I updated the chapter because of unfixed errors.**

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It's been years since she last laid her eyes on Santana Lopez. She's begun to worry that her eyes might give up on her and not recognize the girl that could be lurking around anywhere in the city. It's not impossible. After all she did apply to NYU. But New York is a big place and she knows her chance of ever seeing her again is slim to none. They should just move on with their lives as Santana had said. Days after Rachel had professed her love for Santana they had come to agree in a silent agreement to attempt and forget every moment there ever was between them and pretend like nothing had happened. Which as expected was excruciating on Rachel's side. She had put herself in a position she's still in now, to this day. Deserted in a storm of emotions twisting her from the inside and pushing her closer and closer to the edge until she felt like nothing was holding her balanced. It began on their first day back to school. Santana greeted her in the hallway, gave her a quick glance, Rachel waved pathetically and then the Cheerio continued the way she was heading to. This act that only acquaintances should have went on for weeks and weeks until it felt like it would be in vain to aspire a friendly relationship between the two of them. But it was not defeat that Rachel felt, instead she felt like a drug addict. She was suffering from drastic withdrawal and her head was starting to mess with her heart. She couldn't function properly but she had sworn to try and move on, because Rachel Berry was not a quitter. She would not dwell on someone she knew she could not have. She was such a hypocritical.

* * *

2015

It's another dusky, rainy day in New York and Rachel's scolding herself for not bringing her neon colored umbrella; despite the clouds she had spotted this morning when she first woke up. Which is why she's standing at a bus stop, fortunately with shelter above her head but waiting for the rain to go away. She was foolish not bring a jacket with her, there is no way she's walking home, dressed in jeans and a knitted sweatshirt. She would be soaked in a matter of seconds and end up with hypothermia, possibly ruin her voice. Oh god, she can't have that. Not after the flue she had last year. The rain is hitting the pavement like nails, the sound almost like white TV noise. It's annoying the drums out of her eardrums and she wants to get out of her as quick as possible. She scans around the area for anything she could use for cover. A few feet from her she spots a newspaper stand. It's the best offer she has really, so she pays the newsstand guy 2 dollars for the heaviest newspaper he has. She huffs as a wind swarms in and holds her newly bought paper…"mobile roof" over her head and starts running.

* * *

She dumps the wet, soaked newspaper in the garbage disposal and walks the flights of stairs to her apartment. As soon as she enters her place she starts removing her soggy clothes, throwing them in a corner. Her jeans were a bitch to pull off with all the rain it had soaked up. Her hair was saved from destruction, so she smiles and heads to her bathroom to get cleaned up. Halfway through her bathroom routine, she opens her cabinet and runs her eyes back and forth over the glass shelves. She moves some of her makeup and other stuff around until she finds what she's searching for. Her face lights up as she reaches for it, the only thing that's been keeping her intact all these years.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for all the alerts and follows and review! Lemme know if you have any questions of advice for the story.**

**Au revoir! And I hope you enjoy.**

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Plastered on the blue label, in big letters, is the name Zoloft. The bottle is a reminder each and every day for who she's become. 50mg per capsule…two pills a day it said in the prescription she got from her doctor. She had been hesitant at first, factors she had to take in. There were the side effects of gaining weight, losing her appetite, pain in the throat and much more. The last one scared her the most, anything that could put her throat in danger, scared the heck out of her. But her doctor advised her to try it out anyway. Zoloft turned out to be her friend. Certainly she had lost weight due to her loss of appetite, but most important of all it left her throat undamaged and eased the pain insides.

Rachel throws her head back as she swallows the medicine and retreats to her living room. She flips the TV on and goes around her couch to take out the stack of audition applications from her bag. She drops to the cushion with a sigh and then starts looking through the plays.

**Flashback**

_2012 May 26th_

_Graduation day was approaching and everyone at McKingley High were busy running around signing each other's yearbooks and discussing their plans for the future. Meanwhile, Rachel had landed a role in a play at Ohio Theater Center and so did not have the fortitude to do the same as everyone else, instead she was occupied reading her script and practicing her lines. She's opening her locker when she hears laughter in the distance. Her fingers grip the edges of the locker and tighten when she gets a clear sight on the source the joyful sound is coming from. Santana is imprisoned in the arms of Brittany, they joy that is radiating from the both of them is heartbreaking. She sees Santana, struggling for an escape but gets caught in a tighter hold until the two girl's faces is merely inches away from each other. She feels her slip deeper and deeper into the hole she's buried for herself. The scene gets too much for her when Santana closes the space and kisses the dancer. She goes to extract her script and the closes her locker with a harsh slam before making an escape. What her sixth sense doesn't pick up is the ache Santana feels in her chest when she sees her walk away._

**Present.**

She gasped as she flipped the script over for details on audition dates. The story had caught her interest from the first line.

_"How do you take off to a place you've never seen?"_

It was about a young woman in her 20's, immigrating to the states to find the perfect life. A life where she wouldn't have to hear her family telling her what a failure she was. And everybody in her family knew that, if you made it to America, land of fortune and grace, she'd be considered successful. Her mother had died at a young age leaving a sullen 11 year old, Jayly behind. The rest of her life continued with a father by her side telling her she could never become someone, let along a singer.

Rachel nibbled on her lower lip, thoughtfully. The story had potential and she felt a connection to the character. She admired her for her courage. This was an audition she would not miss for anything in the world.

She doesn't have to wait long to audition. The day comes by fast and she's practiced her lines at every given opportunity. In the subway, standing on the train, mumbled the lines at wall- mart and getting weird looks from people. She's even sung the lines in her shower. She's ready.

"Rachel Berry?" a middle aged man, calls her name from somewhere in the dark seats in front the stage. The lights are blinding her so she doesn't get a good look on who it is. She walks to her marker and slumps her shoulders, her long hair shielding her face from everyone.

"I won't be here for next spring, father." She continues to look down.

"Nothing you say will change my mind. But… I don't want you to think this is easy for me. I know we haven't had the best father-daughter relationship like many other people do but despite everything that's been said and done, you still matter to me." She looks up as she says the last sentence. And then she stands taller and puffs her chest out. Her eyes shimmers with the spotlights blaring at her, she takes a deep breath.

_Lighting struck, now it's silent and dark_

_Like to try to light a candle_

_But for that I'd need a spark_

She closes her eyes and lets her voice bring life to the words.

_Our luck changed, don't know what_

_Don't know when, _

_but it changed, and now its hard_

_Not to dwell on memories_

Once she's finished her song and the rest of her monologue, she walks away without a word and disappears behind the soft yellow, curtain drapes. A few silent seconds go by and then she hears someone clapping, somebody is calling her name so she runs back to the stage, graciously, and waits patiently for her verdict.

"Miss. Berry?"

She squints her eyes, trying to get a better look on the three people sitting with heavy notepads, lying in their laps. Someone fortunately turns off the hot spotlights and her eyes lands instantly on someone she recognized from her past.

"Yes?" She replies anyway and tries to hide the tremble in her voice from the shock she was given.

"You were phenomenal" She barely registers the words, as she is busy being hypnotized by green, hazel eyes staring right at her.

'What was Quinn doing here?'

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you for all your reviews and alerts. Sorry this is late, I recently got a puppy and so it's been hard to find time to write. This chapter contains very little Pezberry...and WARNING: Faberry moment coming up, but don't worry, it won't be forever.**

**Update: re-uploaded the chapter due to waaaay many mistakes.**

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"Quinn?"

Flashback 2012 Graduation day

_The place was swirling in a red sea of students, smiling happily at a camera or hugging a crying parent, arguing it was only graduation and that they were still their babies._

_Rachel had a wide smile on her face as she stood among her friends and family. Kurt had an arm wrapped around her waist as he chatted away with Mercedes. She couldn't believe it, three years had gone by and now she was ready to fulfill her dreams. It was an incredible day to remember and to celebrate, but events like these always made her heart clench with anxiety. Were they gonna keep in touch? What would happen next? Could she ever let go? In the middle of her thoughts she lowered her gaze and caught tanned, feminine fingers entwined with pale ones, swinging. Her mood was even more dampened and she forced herself to focus on something else. _

"_So tell me Noah, what's this surprise you keep hinting us about, nothing illegal that could jeopardize my stardom right?" She inquired gently so no one could ease drop on them. The grinning boy leaned down to whisper._

"_You're just going to have to see, it will blow your mind" his excitement came out and clear and Rachel felt a nagging feeling at the back of her head. When Noah talked with the excitement of a 12-year old, had the sheepish smile of a 12 year old and when he nodded his head like he was running over the plans in his head like a 12 year old, she knew it was bound to be a crazy night. She shook her head and smiled affectionately at his childlike behavior. She was going to miss her Jewbro._

_There was a full party going on when she got there. Noah's house was booming with sound and could be heard even in her car when she had driving to his house. Karofsky was surprisingly the first one to greet her, ironically not with a slushie for once, but with a drunken smile as he swept her off her feet and into his arms. She yelped and clutched tighter to his collar._

"_Don't you dare drop me!" She said with a stern voice. Karofsky released her eventually, albeit in a different room. The glee kids were pouring tequila shots when they caught sight of her, they cheered loudly with Rachel's name rolling off their tongues. The brunette giggled and let her self be led in by Kurt. _

"_At the count of Macarena, princess!"_

_She quizzically raised an eyebrow at him, what was that supposed to mean?_

_She then heard Noah mumble, incoherent words of the Macarena song. It was quite the sight. She did as she had been told and swallowed the shot when Noah shouted at the top of his lungs, "Eeeh MACARENA!" _

_She drank the hours away and enjoyed the heat of alcohol stinging at the back of her throat. This was just what she needed, a night without drama or thoughts about a certain girl. _

"_Rachel?" _

_Damn it. _

_She managed to half run, half stumble her way to the bathroom in an attempt to hide from the voice. Sadly, the door would not budge; she cast her eyes down and tried to find an escape from the person in front of her._

"_No, wait!" The person had latched on to her wrists._

"_Let go of me, San," she begged with a whisper._

_Her need to consume alcohol had weakened her, but she wasn't too far-gone to let her come close._

"_I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. How I wish I would have done things differently and not ignored you all this time-"_

"_I don't want to hear it. Let me go!" Rachel struggled against Santana's feisty grip and with a forceful tug, managed to free herself. She tripped into the wooden, bathroom door from and hazily saw how Santana closed in on her._

"_I miss you"_

_If it weren't for the vulnerable, trembling voice of Santana, she might've pulled it through. As it were, her mind clung once again to a fantasy she had revisited multiple restless nights, a life where Santana could love her with her whole heart._

"_Please go now." She mumbled brokenly and avoided eye contact._

_It felt like Santana had more to say, but coincidently she was saved by one of her tormentors. Quinn Fabray had been passing Noah's little sister's room when she recognized the two figures of bodies in the shadows. There was obvious tension in the air, and since she had no idea what her co Captain could possibly be up to, she doubted it was anything positive. _

"_Hey guys, everything alright?" She asked cautiously as she reached them._

"_Fucking perfect." The tall brunette gritted out before throwing one last glance at Rachel. _

_The short brunette took note of the girl's exit and exhaled with relief. She didn't notice Quinn's eyes on her until she heard her clear her throat._

"_Are you okay? You look kind of…shaken up?"_

_Rachel nodded silently; it wasn't enough to reassure Quinn._

"_Are you sure? Did S say something to you?" _

_I'm fine._

"_Rachel?"_

"_I said I'm fine" Rachel insisted and glared at Quinn, daring her to claim otherwise._

"_Then why does it look like you're about to cry?" the blonde argued and waited for an answer with her signature eyebrow raised that had always gotten on Rachel's nerves._

"_I get super emotional when I drink" she smiled bitterly and tried to force back her tears._

_Quinn snorted and stretched her hand out for Rachel to take._

"_Come on, there are better things to do"_

Present

"Rachel!"

Quinn's excitement echoed in the theater as she sprang up to Rachel.

The brunette found her self in a confusing mess of Quinn's limbs wrapped around her, she giggled and hugged her old classmate back. When Rachel felt her feet lift of the ground she giggled even more furiously and slapped Quinn's shoulder lightly to be put down. She distinctively remembers Quinn to have been more uptight and closed off. This new girl, correction, woman, in front of her seemed so free and at ease. Quinn had let her hair grow back into its naturally long waves, her eyes sparkled more than she's ever remembered them. Her beauty had evolved from her younger years to a more defined and mature look. She was still the gorgeous, flawless girl she had envied back in high school but she had certainly changed for the better. Quinn's grip around her loosened and Rachel leaned back to inspect the girl more thoroughly.

"Quinn Fabray." She said with awe and realization.

"What are you doing here?" She continued. Last time they spoke, Quinn was getting ready for Yale to study English literature. And now, here she was, at her audition?

Quinn didn't seem to care much about her question, she was too busy grinning and taking in this new girl in front of her.

"You've changed."

"Well…yeah. It's been three years since we last saw each other, Quinn. People change." Rachel didn't know what to make of Quinn's comment, and she wasn't sure what response Quinn expected.

"That's not what I... never mind." She shook her head, dismissing her thought. "And to answer your question, I'm the co-writer of the story."

It was Quinn's turn to giggle as Rachel's jaw dropped ungracefully, accompanied by slightly furrowed eyebrows.

"Don't act so surprised, Rachel. After all, this is New York. Anything can happen" she murmured sweetly.

Flashback 2012 Graduation day

_Rachel had despite her hesitation, accepted the hand lent out to her and followed closely behind Quinn, faltering only once in her steps when she caught a glimpse of Santana dancing intimately with Brittany. _

_The former cheerio, navigated them through the cramped house with teenagers until they arrived to the outside of Noah's garage. Rachel was way over the limit of drunk to care about the hand still evidently entwined with her own, what did grind her gears was the fact that she was standing outside in the cold, on her graduation day, doing nothing._

_She opened her mouth to ask as to why they were there when the door opened._

"_So antsy, Berry." Quinn smirked. It was embarrassing to say that Quinn could sense the impatience radiating of her, then again, she's drunk. What's there to care about anyway._

"_Sup, Jewbabe. You ready for your surprise?" You'd imagine a sentence like that to be said with overbearing excitement but Noah was sounding out every word slowly._

"_What's wrong with you?"_

"_Au contraire, come on in" her flushed Jewbro waved them in. Rachel and Quinn followed him dutifully to a couch set out to the corner._

_Turns out Noah's surprise, was a coffee jar containing weed. _

_Quinn pulled away from Rachel to plant herself on the couch. She curled her index finger and wiggled it towards Rachel, coaxing her to come closer. The singer's shoulder slumped for a second, what was she doing? She observed the blonde that was making herself comfortable and that was still gazing at her. Rachel swallowed tightly, no. To heck with everything, this was her graduation day and she was not going to brood about one Santana Lopez anymore._

"_Give me one" she demanded as she caught sight of rolled joints on a small round table. Noah made a weird looking fist bump before snatching one for Rachel. _

"_This one, was specifically made for you babe."_

_The brunette accepted the joint with a dubious expression on her face and trapped it between two fingers as she'd seen people do with cigarettes in movies. She walked over to Quinn and slung herself on the seat next to her._

"_Here, like this" _

_Quinn, showed her how to hold it properly by using her thumb and point finger instead of the way she had begun with. She didn't even bother to ask how she knew that._

_Some time later, they were off on a mental joyride. Rachel had somehow found herself, straddling Quinn's lap, for a leap of moment, thinking she was riding a horse while Quinn was off on a different direction that had Rachel riding something…else. Puck had disappeared long time ago, stating that he had chicks to bang instead of two girls wrapped up in each other. Rachel had her arms loosely around the blonde's neck and her nose placed snuggly under her chin._

"_I'm happy for us." _

"_Why's that?" Quinn whispers tiredly._

"_We're both getting out of this hell hole. There's nothing but pain and misery here, I'm glad we've found an escape." Her whispering was burning hot air into pale shivering skin._

"_Yeah. Rachel?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_I'm sorry" Quinn's breathy voice turned a shade clearer, but still very soothing and quiet._

"_For what?" _

"_For everything I put you through all these years"_

_Rachel nuzzled her nose on the rose/weed-scented skin of Quinn's throat and gave her a chaste kiss on the side of throat._

"_I've been through worse, I forgive you" her arms tightened at the girl's apology. _

"_Like what?" Quinn frowned, considering all the bullying she had done to Rachel; it was hard imagining someone putting her through something worse._

"_Maybe I'll tell you someday…when I'm all healed and functioning."_

_Quinn grabbed her gently by the neck and pushed her back. Black blown pupils stared into each other with numbness circling in their veins but each had a clear goal in mind._

_Forgive me. Rachel says to herself before she crushes her lips against Quinn's._

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry! i know it's been a very long while since i updated, but i've been very busy with other stuff in my life so this isn't much of a chapter. But it's something to worthy of reading I believe.**

**Until next time...**

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_**How's my heart supposed to be.**_

Her lips quivered as they emerged for air before diving back into a set of frenzy kisses. Pale hands snaked around her waist and drifted down to her bottom, squeezing the flesh they found. She reacted with a heated moan and thrust her center into the girl.

She gasped deeply when the ache between her legs was treated with a teasing nudge from Quinn's pelvis. The grip on her ass tightened and began to drive her further and further in. Their tongues were taking turns in assaulting the other, their lungs collaborated so they were in sync with every movement of their lips. When Rachel would pull for air, so would Quinn, until the blonde realized she needed more to still her fascination with the singer. Rachel twitched furiously when she felt a curious hot tongue begin its path to her ear to suck on an earlobe. The movement of her hips increased with an intensity until she felt like they were on auto, she grinded harder and faster.

She released a long heated moan that almost drove Quinn over the edge. Who knew a party could lead her to humping Quinn Fabray on a dirty couch while intoxicated with Noah's secret stash. She seriously hoped this was another hallucination.

Present

"So…do you think there is a slightest chance I could get this part?" she wondered out loud as Quinn was showing her the way out. She had noticed a grand length of words under her name on Quinn's notepad. To some, it might be a good sign, but you never know when it comes to auditions. It wouldn't be the first time she was given a sheet of unconstructive criticism.

They reached the exit and the writer turned around to give the girl her honest opinion.

Quinn nibbled on her lip and closed her eyes, the atmosphere around them dropped into a level of serene air, as she remained silent.

"When you think of Jayly…what do you see?"

She hesitated but took one glance at the script in her hand and every particle of doubt in her mind vanished.

"I guess I see a little bit of everyone in her. I see myself, the same kind of ambition and determination. I see you, your rare, shy moments that only slips out when you're not marching."

A soft pad of skin, caresses her cheekbone, she relentlessly closes her eyes until she feels the thumb reach her lower lip, and then she, almost sleepily, opens her eyes.

"I see-…Quinn, stop" she murmurs. She's tripping on her words. The girl's touch is clouding her mind and it's wonderful and so unfair because she really needs to convince Quinn that she's the right person for this part.

She witnessed the same eyebrow that had bugged her years ago arise questioningly once more.

"You were saying…?"

Rachel swallowed a yarn of spiraling nerves.

"I can do this, Quinn." The drive and reluctance to give up was apparent on Rachel's face. The eagerness was shining brightly in brown eyes, and Quinn thought she saw a piece of the old Rachel Berry, be restored. She had decided not to question Rachel about the obvious transformation in her, the dark pale area around her eyes or the colossal weight loss she could distinguish easily, even in the darkness of the theater.

For Quinn, it wasn't the matter of if Rachel could handle the role. She had seen what Rachel could do when she was deeply involved with a character, and if Rachel's enthusiasm was any inclination, she knew Rachel would sweep the audience off their seats, merely with her voice. There was no doubt in her mind that she could not do this…

Yet…by the looks of Rachel, she feared that the brunette would crumble in the middle of everything.

"I know you can." she eyed the Rachel before sighing. "I'll give you a call once we've come to a decision."

Rachel shifted in her stance as she glanced from the floor and then to Quinn.

"You promise?"

Quinn nodded and opened the door for her, the singer whole heartily stepped out into the cold, moist weather of New York.

"Rach...you should get something to eat"

The brunette's mouth pulled at the familiar words.

"I'll try"

* * *

When she arrived home, the first thing that caught her eye was the blinking red light on her answering machine. She removed her scarf and with a puzzled frown on her face walked to her table-stand, pushing the play button on the machine.

"Hi Rachel! It's me Brittany! Remember? Anyway I was just calling to invite you to my bachelor party and wedding rehearsal dinner, can you believe it? San asked me to marry her! …I hope this is the right number...it took me forever to find it."

Brittany trailed off momentarily to mumble on something.

"Oh and by the way, don't tell Santana I called. I want it to be a surprise since no one's heard from you in awhile... oh here comes my number so you can rsvp, it's: 557-"

Brittany always forgot how limited time was on answering machines; Rachel found the incident to be blessing however. The silence that came after the interrupted words of Brittany S. Pierce gave her a painful shove into clarity. Santana was gone. She had been gone for a long time but, now she came to a full realization. Santana Lopez had left her a long time ago and she wasn't coming back. It was over.

And with that thought, Rachel slipped down to the floor and gazed at her ceiling, praying for it to crumble and crush her into nothing. She sobbed like she never had before, dug her fingernails so deep into the skin of her arms so it was all she could focus on. Everything got so vivid, like she could feel and hear every sound and movement in her body screeching in defeat, it came to a point where she felt like she was a bomb about to be ignited. And then, she screamed and let her lungs and throat release all the pain she had gathered over the years.

TBC

AN: sorry it's short


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So...this was coming. But it's not over yet. Stick around if you feel like it, leave a comment of however you feel.**

**Thank you very much for the reviews and the alerts, I appreciate so much when it's cold and grey and i'm reluctant to leave the house due to the pouring rain outside my window. **

**All mistakes are mine.**

**And...le don't worry. Pezberry will happen to all doubters out there. I promise! See!? That you cannot doubt, i'm a great person at keeping promises...promise. **

**Au revoir!**

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**Disappearances**

The wooden floor was not only freezing but also putting a strain on her back, her feet had turned blue from lying still for so long and her eyes burned, everything hurt more physically now. Oxygen wasn't sufficient enough to heal her wounds anymore, singing… she could not bring her self to do, eating...was the last thing on her mind, as usual. This was it. The only sliver of hope that had been coursing trough her heart, the very reason why she is alive today, had now been crumbled into dust. Dust that she brushed away with tears and screams of melancholia. If she thought she was miserable and dead before the recent news she had been given, then she had clearly been mistaken. This was worse; she felt like nothing...she was nothing. Santana would marry the love of her life and she would be a distant memory that Santana could revisit to when talking about past relationships or use her as a reference about sexual relations when talking to her future kids. Her mouth pulled. They would have kids. Brittany would have everything and she would be nothing. They'd probably have two little brunettes and a blonde, or whatever… she didn't want to think about the family and life they were creating together.

She twisted herself until she was lying on her side, resting her weight on one hand on the floor as she started to straighten up.

So, what happens now? She heard her own raspy voice utter.

"Now we end this"

She grimaced, anguished and broken for what she had to do. Tears started trickling down her pale and bony cheeks, the hand that was planted on her floor began to tremble, so with whatever force that was left in her body, she used it to rise up and slowly pull herself into a standing position. She could feel herself sway on her weak feet, her upper body tilting slightly forward. Her dark forlorn eyes glanced lazily at Quinn's script on the kitchen table. She prayed for it to be enough and to stop her, but it wasn't. She was running on auto-mode now. She carried herself slowly over to her bathroom and flipped the lights on, blinking rapidly as the light flickered once before beaming brightly. She couldn't help but to think that the buzzing sound of her yellow shining, fluorescent lights, complimented the situation she was getting herself in.

She went immediately for the medicine cabinet, fastened to the awful tiled wall, and with her fingers, she pulled on the doorknob. On a glassy, see through shelf, was a white package with the title Benzodiazepines displayed on it. They were sleeping pills that she had shamefully started to consume when nothing worked to shut her brain down from anticipating and imagining about _the_ girl. She clenched the small package in her hand, relived that it was half empty and not more so. She watched distantly as her shaky fingers pulled it open and the pills, securely placed in a set of 8 capsules in the aluminum container, fell into the sink. She picked it up and started one by one, pressing the pills out of their slots until she had a palm of all 8 pills and a glass of water on the other side of the sink.

She cried for every pill she swallowed and for every sip of water that she gulped with it, and then she went back to her living room and waited.

_x_

When Quinn pulls on the door handle of the unlocked door, she hesitates for a second, thinking about how rude it must be for her to show up unannounced and probably unwelcome considering Rachel hadn't answered any of her calls in the last 48 hours. Her patience had expired rather quickly in time and so she grabbed on to the first train heading towards Rachel's place. The neighborhood looked perfectly fine, maybe a little too enclosed for her taste but it was nice, she just hoped _Rachel_ liked it here. When she climbed the stairs to Rachel's flat she was caught off guard when she noticed the girl's door not properly shut. She hoped it was only a habit, because the Rachel she knew did not risk her safety, as well as home, this way. And then she hesitated when she reached for the doorknob but all the worried thoughts, swirling in her mind, went away and she entered apartment number 9.

She chuckled when she heard the clear voice of Barbra Streisand, in this case, Fannie having an intense conversation with her leading man, Nick. She slipped her shoes off and followed the voices till she reached the source. Her breath jerked when her eyes landed one a cute and snuggled up brunette on the couch, buried under two sets of blankets. She tried to ignore the shiver that infected her whole body and resulted in goose bumps. She cleared her throat quietly and slowly, as not to awaken the sleeping beauty and approached her. She kneeled until she was at an appropriate height to Rachel's face.

"Wake up, Rach. I have some great news for you" The blonde whispers as she curls a fallen strand of hair behind Rachel's ear.

"Rachel?"

_x_

"_I'm good, thanks baby" Rachel breathes out and turns down the glass of water Santana had brought her._

"_Are you sure? It's like 200 degrees out here"_

"_Mhmm, now c'mere" Rachel makes some space on the laid out blanket and pulls Santana down next to her. Santana runs her fingers over the sparkly grass before she removes her sunglasses and turns to the girl beside her. She inspects the extraordinary, mind blowing body of her girlfriend, observes as the chest rises from every breath that was taken and released. She scoots closer until the unique scent of Rachel, hits her nostrils. _

"_What are you doing?" Rachel asks skeptically and amused._

"_Sniffing you." The girl states like it's the most natural thing in the world._

"_What happened, did a magician decide to turn you into a puppy on your way to the kitchen?" Rachel teased_

"_Funny." Came a flat answer._

_Rachel beamed and locked her fingers around Santana's neck, she chuckled when Santana smiled back and cupped a feel._

"_Going straight for the apple, aren't we?"_

"_Babe don't refer to your ass as an apple, it's weird"_

"_And sniffing isn't? The diva quirked an eyebrow._

"_Nope" Santana grinned and closed the space between them. Their lips embraced each other sensually and ignited an inner heat in both girls. Santana wrapped her arms around the brunette and flipped them over until she was hovering over Rachel._

_Santana nuzzled Rachel's cute nose with her own and then whispered with fear in her voice._

"_Are you happy?"_

_Rachel brought their lips together and kissed her passionately with a slow pace until she had to regretfully, withdraw to the ground again in order to see her girlfriend's liberating, brown eyes. _

"_More than you'll ever know."_

_They smiled lovingly at each other and then Rachel felt her lungs squeeze in on her, prevailing the oxygen needed for her to function, for her to live. She saw Santana frown before panic taking over._

"_Rachel! Honey, what's wrong?!" She heard Santana exclaim in absolute horror._

"_I can't breathe, why can't I breathe? San…I'm scared" she managed to squeeze out until she started whimpering the words out. And then she started shivering forcefully; her body was shaking from freezing, but how? It was summer last time she checked._

"_Rachel! What did you do?"_

Nothing.

"Rachel! What did you do?"

The sound of a panicked voice slams against the walls in her head, the words coming tangled together and inscrutable. She tries to move but her body is numb and unresponsive, and then she hears that voice again. What is it saying and why does it keep shoving her? And why is someone firing sharp bullets of ice at her?

"Open your eyes, please, please. I'm begging you, please…Rachel." Quinn pleads as she holds Rachel in the shower, cold water falling over them in attempt to fuel a reaction from the slumped, grey looking girl. Quinn whimpers and releases a stuttered moan, trembling harshly from insufficient warmth. How wasn't Rachel responding to the cold water? She wailed, her head drooped and shut her eyelids, her breath coming in harsh pants as she grasped the fallen girl, tighter in her arms.

"Rachel" she whispered, weakly. By the time she opened her eyes, she started wondering how much time had passed. They were both drenched in their clothes, from head to toe, lips equally blue and both of them equally abandoned. Quinn grunted and then jerked backwards.

"Open your eyes, Rachel! Just fucking do it! Why do you have to be so freaken stubborn all the time, you're so stupid. What about me?!" She screamed at the top of her lungs in agony. She shook, Rachel, brutally and unforgivably.

"What about me?" She repeated once more before falling silent.

"Stop it…no more…yelling" a different, almost inaudible voice, called out.

The water was turned off and nothing but silence filled the air.

Tbc


End file.
